


Operation Get Two Idiots Alone to Do Stuff

by damnedifyoudo



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Sexual Tension, and so is everybody else, hen is done with buck and eddie's shit, operation eliminate sexual tension basically, this is straight up crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-30 05:03:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20808980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damnedifyoudo/pseuds/damnedifyoudo
Summary: Hen is really tired of walking in on Buck and Eddie in the firehouse and so is everybody else, so she hatches a plan.Basically crack.





	Operation Get Two Idiots Alone to Do Stuff

**Author's Note:**

  * For [transbuck](https://archiveofourown.org/users/transbuck/gifts), [nighting_gale17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nighting_gale17/gifts).

> Some "get Buck and Eddie laid" crack based on a suggestion from Cait in the discord.
> 
> "basically buck and eddie are both grumpy bc their schedules have sucked recently and hen is tired of listening to them complain or almost walking in on them doing some nasty shit so she declares operation get buck and eddie laid and enlists everyones help bc jfc they're all tired of dealing with them"
> 
> This gets a little saucy so be warned.

Hen rolled her eyes. Someone had made a mess in the kitchen and of course had neglected to clean it up. Unfortunately, she had already swung open the supply closet door before realizing a certain two people were missing.

It’s safe to say she found them, and she was not a fan of what she saw. She didn’t enjoy seeing dicks, especially those of her coworkers. There was a reason she was a lesbian.

“_JESUS CHRIST, _you two!” she shouted as she promptly slammed the door shut.

She heard a muttered “fuck” and a “shit” as well as pants being zipped from the two behind the door.

“Can’t you two keep it in your pants at work? This is getting ridiculous,” she said, annoyed.

The door swung back open angrily and Buck’s expression matched the action. “Henrietta. We’ve barely seen each other outside of work for two weeks! We have needs!”

Eddie appeared from behind him, arms crossed and expression matching Buck’s.

Hen’s face softened a bit. “I get that, trust me. But what if it was Bobby who had caught you? You’d both be getting your asses whooped.”

Eddie said nothing as he stomped off, grumbling something in Spanish.

Buck’s eyes widened as he watched his boyfriend leave and then groaned. “Dammit Hen! Now I’m thinking about that even more!”

Hen looked at Buck confused. “You understood him? What did he say?”

Buck mumbled something under his breath.

“I’m sorry what?”

“He _said _he wanted to suck me off!” Buck said a little too loudly, causing Chimney to overhear as he passed by.

Chimney dramatically put his hands over his ears and started singing loudly and off key as he continued to walk by.

“ahhhHHHH!” Buck exclaimed in frustration as he too walked away, in the direction of outside.

“Jesus Christ,” Hen muttered again. “Chimney get your ass over here!” she shouted louder, getting the attention of her best friend.

With his hands still over his ears, Chimney replied “ARE THEY DONE?”

“Yes, now stop yelling and get over here!” Hen said, clearly irritated.

Chimney quickly jogged over. “What?”

Hen sighed, rubbing her forehead with her hand. “We’ve gotta do something about them. That’s the second time this week I’ve walked in on them and I’m tired of seeing dicks. I’m a lesbian, I do not want to see them,” she said. “And they won’t stop stomping around the place like horny teenage boys. I’m sick of it.”

“You’ve got a point. I would say it would be better if I caught them, but they are still our coworkers,” Chimney sighed.

“Call Maddie. We’re starting operation ‘get Buck and Eddie laid.’ On GOD, I will help them get their dicks wet so they can shut the fuck up.”

At this, Hen and Chimney heard a stifled choking sound. They turned around and there was Bobby, half choking on his granola bar.

“_Shit. _Cap did you hear that?” Hen asked, slightly embarrassed.

Bobby coughed. “Yeah, I did. While I may not agree with your choice of words, I’m in.”

“_WHAT?” _Chimney bellowed, shocked.

Hen’s initial reaction was the same as Chimney’s, but then she thought back to a conversation she had with Athena two days ago:

“_Bobby is so frustrated with Buck and Eddie that we haven’t had sex since it all started. They better figure out their shit fast because I would like to have sex with my husband.” _

Hen nodded and beckoned Bobby and Chimney closer to them, the latter of whom was calling Maddie. “Okay, so this is what I was thinking…”

~~**~~

Three days later, the plan was set in motion. Unsurprisingly, Athena also wanted in on the plan, as her sex life was also unfortunately being affected by Buck and Eddie being idiots.

The plan was this: Maddie had coordinated with Carla to come pick up Christopher at 7pm. Buck was supposed to be going to a physical therapy appointment, but Chimney called and pretended to be Buck and said he needed to cancel because of illness. Maddie was going to kidnap Buck from his apartment and bring him to Eddie’s, where Hen would be, keeping him there and distracted before Carla could come and take Christopher for the night.

Although Bobby and Athena wanted help, Hen told them they could help by staying home and taking care of their own issue since the rest of them would be addressing Buck and Eddie. Hen made sure of this by making sure Michael had May and Harry for the night.

Of course, this didn’t exactly go as planned. When Maddie arrived at Buck’s place to kidnap him, he had already left, leaving her confused. She immediately called Buck.

“Buck? Where are you?” she asked as soon as he picked up the phone.

_“Going to my physical therapy appointment, why? You sound panicked is something wrong?” _

“Uh…” Maddie uttered, trying to think of something. “Christopher is sick! He’s asking for you, you should get to Eddie’s right now!”

“_Oh, God, of course. I’ll go right now. Just gotta call my physical therapist and tell them I won’t be coming.”_

“NO!” Maddie shouted. “Uh…you can’t waste any time; I’ll do it for you!”

“_Thank you so much Maddie, you’re the best!” _he said before abruptly hanging up.

“Shit,” Maddie said before calling Hen. “So, uh, change in plans.”

“_What happened?” _Maddie heard Hen sigh, clearly expecting this.

“So, Buck was already gone when I got here, so I may have called him and said Christopher was sick to get him to go to Eddie’s,” Maddie admitted.

“_Dammit, he’ll probably call Eddie! I’m almost there, I’ll distract him. Eddie thinks I’m bringing Denny over for a playdate.” _

“Oh, okay, perfect! Thanks, Hen, I hope this works. Buck’s been insufferable lately.”

“_Tell me about it, you don’t have to work with him and Eddie. Thanks, Maddie, see you on the other side of this.”_

~~**~~

“Tell me about it, you don’t have to work with him and Eddie. Thanks, Maddie, see you on the other side of this,” Hen said over the phone as she pulled into Eddie’s driveway.

_“Bye, Hen!” _

Hen hung up the phone and got out of the car, grabbing the six-pack from her passenger seat. Maybe Eddie and Buck would use it later, maybe not, but it would at least help her with her charade until Carla got there in about 10 minutes.

She knocked on Eddie’s door and it opened almost immediately, Christopher standing there with a big smile on his face.

“Hi, Hen!” he said excitedly. “Is Carla here yet?”

Hen laughed, still not believing they had also gotten Christopher in on this. “She’ll be here soon, bud. You all packed up?”

“Yeah! I’ve been ready since this morning! I’ll miss daddy and Bucky, but I love hanging out with Carla!”

“I’m so glad, bud. Can I come in? Gotta talk your dad real quick,” Hen said, gesturing inside.

Christopher smiled and moved out of the way. “Yeah, he’s in the kitchen. I’ll wait here.”

“Thanks, Chris,” she said, ruffling his hair as she walked in and into the kitchen.

As she was placing the six-pack on the counter, Eddie turned away from the stove and saw her.

“Oh, hey Hen. Where’s Denny?” he asked upon noticing her son wasn’t with her.

“He’s not feeling well,” she lied smoothly. “But I figured I’d come anyway, we can have a couple of beers.”

Eddie looked confused. “Uh, okay. Christopher will be disappointed.”

Hen smiled. “Yes, but I’m sure he’ll be fine. Another time.”

Right on time, the doorbell rang, and a familiar voice was heard.

“Carla?” Eddie said, even more confused as he walked to his front door.

“Hey there, handsome,” Carla greeted. “You and lover boy have fun tonight and don’t worry about Christopher. We’re gonna watch some movies, how’s that sound, little man?” she directed her question at Christopher.

Christopher smiled and yelled “yeah!” while Eddie looked between her, Hen, and his son, still extremely confused.

“Lover boy? Is Buck coming?” Eddie questioned.

Carla and Hen looked at each other and laughed.

“Oh, he’s in for a fun night,” Carla said, a light tone in her voice. “You have a good night, honey, and don’t worry ‘bout a thing,” she said to Eddie as she ushered Chris out the door, his bag somehow already in Carla’s hands.

The door shut and Eddie looked at Hen, his mouth hung open quizzically.

“He’ll be here any minute,” Hen said, smiling slyly. “Y’all get it out of your system and don’t ever let me catch you with your dicks out at work again or I’ll have to get my eyes bleached.”

Eddie blushed a deep shade of red, causing Hen to laugh loudly. “Alright, have fun then,” she said as she opened the door and left. Buck’s car was pulling in as Carla’s was pulling out, and Buck barely put the car in park before leaping out of the car.

“Hen?” he said, looking at her in confusion. “What are you doing here? Is that Carla’s car I saw leaving? Where is Christopher? Is he okay?”

“Slow down, Buck. Christopher is fine. Maddie just needed an excuse to get you here,” Hen explained.

“Christopher is fine? Then what-“

Hen laughed again. “Christopher will be with Carla for the _whole_ night.”

“Um, okay?” Buck asked, clearly not getting it.

Hen rolled her eyes. “Jesus, Buck, you’ll be alone with Eddie the whole night, just go have sex or whatever.”

Realization dawned on Buck’s face and he said nothing as he sprinted inside.

Hen shook her head and got into her car. God willing, after tonight she would never see a dick inside the firehouse again.

~~**~~

Buck busted into Eddie’s front door, not even bothering to knock. As he slammed it shut, a wicked smile came across his face.

Eddie was standing there, a smile slowly creeping up on his face as well. “Babe?” he called to Buck.

“We’re alone, finally,” Buck got out before crossing to Eddie and crashing his lips against his.

Buck continued to push Eddie back until the latter man’s back hit the wall. Buck wasted no time shoving his tongue into Eddie’s mouth and grinding up against him, two weeks of pent up sexual frustration finally being taken out.

“God, missed you so fucking much,” Buck panted between kisses.

“Me too, baby,” Eddie agreed before biting down on Buck’s bottom lip.

Buck moaned loudly, taking full advantage of the fact they had the house all to themselves. “Need you so bad.”

The heated kisses continued as Eddie hoisted Buck up so Buck could wrap his legs around Eddie’s waist. “Well you can have me. All.” Eddie kissed Buck’s lips. “Night.” A kiss to Buck’s collarbone. “Long.” And a kiss to Buck’s neck, where Eddie kept his mouth, sucking and kissing and definitely leaving a mark.

Buck gasped and threw his head back as Eddie started walking to his bedroom. This was going to be a _great _night.

~~**~~

At work the next day, Eddie and Buck walked in hand-in-hand, grinning like idiots.

Hen smiled, glad they would no longer be insufferable to work with. Chimney did not enjoy walking into the locker room to see them making out like teenagers, but he would take that over catching them with their pants down. Bobby was clearly in a better mood as well, so everything was back to normal. Or so they all hoped.

Bobby caught them in the supply closet three weeks later.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, I had to lmao. 
> 
> Thanks to Cait for the idea and to Ken for the beautiful Hen line: "On GOD, I will help them get their dicks wet so they can shut the fuck up"
> 
> Follow me on tumblr! @eddiediaz-buckley


End file.
